Torture In The Mind, tonight


I sit here and watch my thoughts flutter. Flying all around, never in one place do they stay. I wish they would remain far away from the pain, soar freely. Will they always wander towards the darkness. A sudden shudder sends me to a gruesome sight. A single thought does abruptly shatter my reality. Thinking things which once did consume me. Of blood deeply running red, coursing steadily downward. From my fractured flesh a flow freely weeps crimson the tears I cannot shed. My wounds do speak for me, the words that are hidden just out of sight. I cannot speak what should be said for fear I’d fall into deepest dread. Those memories still haunt my daily drifting, no lights in my sight. Does the mind ever become free from these torturous binds? Or forever will this horror be on repeat, to be seen a million times?

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Time Unraveled


Time has carved its name upon my brow

Blessings that it has not been with frow

Etched grievously each broken song

Written with not so gentle hands

These harsh and cruel darkened fingers

Curling venomously around his tools of strife

Yet age has not conquered this life

I’m freed from those lines that cage us

Suppressing all living a life of abundance

No matter how hard you attack me

I know I will survive

I know that time will never rule my life

 

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Through a storm


And to this journey I do mark, a joyous parting of the dark
In that sickness I did lie, But no longer do I cry
For fear and sorrow are but a storm, True happiness is now my norm
Broken I am
Broken I was
Broken I will be
But I am fine just the way I am
Yes, I love me
In the here and now
I am saved by undeserved grace, I have in this world found my place
Hope is my brand new song, The road I took was long
But in truth in was meant to end, no long a disaster to defend
I am Life
I am living
I am Love
I am loving
hope dream
In this stormy sea we sink or swim…

can’t Scream my Heart out


I didn’t have the heart
To break the silence
To shout the truth
I wanted happiness
For them
For all
Even if I wouldn’t receive any
In this time
I couldn’t scream for help
my voice wouldn’t be heard
It never was
Only when what was needed was said
Only heard was what one wanted to hear
Nothing else
Nothing dear
I was gone from myself
I was never really me
Only for those what they need me to be
Even if it meant brutality and pain
Even if for a time it was all unclear
Did I not know what I was
What it meant
But nothing for me
Was all I want
or need
or had
or…

A Warrior from a Slave


Once a slave to the wicked
A path I didn’t dream of
A confliction between soul and heart
How beat down I had become
Not worth or so I believed anything
Garbage was held higher than I
Traveling from one to the other
One abuse replaced by another
Addicted to sorrow
My soul disappeared
Vanished from this mortal plain
I was dying inside
Broken by the heartless each morrow
Willing to leave my life lifeless
Forever shamed by others
Confronted deaths darkness
Ashamed of any spirit left in me
Silted my the horrors of life
Crimes that go unpunished
Paid for by the price of pride
My ego
But even more so by my soul essence
When all I ever wanted was to serve

Now a warrior stands in my glow
I may be broken
Bleeding more blood then I own
Suffering from wounds inflicted
Still pain finds me
But weapons I do posses
Items to aid me in my battles
Fight for truth and honesty
Serving the masses
Sharing in love
Marching forward to beat the lies
Strategies I have learned
The conquer the evil surrounding
To divide the many
To survive the worries
And continue being a true me
Passion in life, in love and in sanity
To not be labeled
But be what the best are meant to be

Not one reality


Today I sit in the wake of freedom
Feeling as if I a loosing this grip
That I won’t be able to hang on
How tight can I grasp
How far will I fall

Parts of me

Small

Big

I am not entirely sure
But they want to slide backwards
To fall
To collapse
Not make it to the top
Not even make it at all

Fighting the darkness

Why

How

This is not one true answer
My reality is not seen through your eyes
Can’t be seen by those not of my mind

But I beg for empathy
Try to understand
The pain
The sorrow

You at least know the suffering of life
Even if you have not connected with my strife
We all have hurt
We at some point remain alert

Please take my hand
Please hold my heart
Be tender and sweet
Help me climb up from this defeat

Don’t leave me alone

Quotes for Survivors


After Silence

These quotes are about something I have thinking hard about lately, overcoming.  We all have something we have to persevere through, whether it be health issues, abuse, assault, economic problems – we all struggle.  Hopefully these thoughtful people will inspire you, like they have me, to overcome your obstacles.

You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
Maya Angelou

give me life, give me pain, give me myself again
Tori Amos

In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.
Albert Camus

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it.
Samuel Johnson

Every time I say something they find hard to hear, they chalk it up to my anger, and never to their own fear.
Ani DiFranco

When you live in the shadow of insanity, the appearance of another mind…

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