Her Shade


She was haunted. Haunted by a ghost of the past that seemed more a ghoul.
It shattered her belief in safety, reliance on any other being.
The daft spirit gave her no rest, especially in the dead night.
Her dreams became nightmares and only she could hear the screams.
Poltergeist by a force unseen by all with one exception, her.
It fed off of the fears that poured out from within her.
Will she die alone and lonely with only this shade to morn you?

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Chained by the Past


Why dream
Why close my eyes
To face nothing but nightmares
To be haunted
Terror absorbing me
Shear terror
Awakening in shock
Covered in a cold sweat
Shaking body
No comfort for me
Surrounded by darkness
Alone with my despair
I cannot remain in this place
Yet I can not seem to move
Frozen with fear
How do I escape this pain
How do I get out of the past
It seems it will never leave me
It will never release me

Where the Pain could take me


If I would have known my future

I would have asked to not be born

Beg to be aborted

I know that sounds sick

Maybe a little demented

Life has twisted my perception of it

At least that is how I could feel

The way my thoughts try to wander

But in truth

Life is precious and dear

I have been given so much

Even through the raving storms

Inches upon inches of rain

When I look back at all the pain

I wonder how I made it

I try to stay away

Without running far in the other direction

Stay in the present

Be in this place right here

Trauma and ranges of fear haunt me

Living is a hard feet to accomplish

Each day a trial

But I wake up

I get up and move

My voice is weak to this day

Barely audible above life’s static

I am here

Depending on something greater

To more than get me by

I hope one day I will live more

Living to thrive

That is what I believe

On the other side of it all

No more

Only brighter

Live life lighter Today

For that is all I really have

Traveling Through Darkness


I once believed in a story filled with pain. No happy ending could be claimed. Surrounded in sadness, all consuming. Broken was her name, eternally shamed. No hope in sight, nothing near joy could be found. Why fight a seemingly losing battle, a fight with only wounds. Nothing but darkness to see, no light in my presence. Or so that is what I was to believe, that is what I had seen. Life was meaningless, faith was useless as hoping. And that is what I would be, finding a reason for living was fading. Each breath was a waste of time, for me living was a crime. Distancing myself from everything living, fade away into shadows. Why keep it up if to hurt is all there is, is that all it means? And so I had felt, It is the way I truly believed. My life was nothing but death, even int he depths of my dreams. But today I stand a changed being, broken yet whole. Pieces shattered about, parts were stolen away. I will survive and live and thrive to be alive. I have found hope, that I thought couldn’t be there. A light in the darkest of places shown brightly through. Today I live a life in love, my story is true. To surrender to the unhappy places, an unending curse. There is such a thing as life after terror, I am there I say. Hard it was to battle, to be a being of this bright land. Even in the darkness I stand firm on this ground, knowing the storm will pass. So take heart all you weak from your battles, or weathered and worn. There is that light at the end, I know, I have traveled it long.

Midnight Ponders, Pasts and Purposes


The past

The present

Is it all but a dream

Or more

A nightmare

All forlorn

Dreary

Life is not to be

Hope

Where

This I face

But

Face I must

I will

To morrow

Life lived

Thrive

Being

Alive

A Treasure Only Found in Darkness


I didn’t find it while the light shined brightly above

I could not see during the lightest time of day

Even when I looked with every candle I had saved

It was when the darkness came that I saw its gleam

The worth, its truest value can not be measured in the morning

No light shown upon could have known its truth

I had to discover this treasure through immensely painful shadows

And no one else could have done this search for me

Only the one who had never from my side strayed

It was in the bitter blackness my hope was saved

As I spiraled deeper into deaths dreary domain

All the walls of despair closed willingly around me

I did welcome lengthy, gruesome demise

The beauty of true life found me buried in my shame

Filth did surround my ever hopelessly drifting being

That love that compassionately lifted me higher

No longer will I remain there among the grime of yester years

No more painful memories to wallow willingly in

Times do changes and scars will in the end remain

But life lived after treachery lives a lighter, lovingly life

To hope I believed once was fruitlessly dreaming

Oh but now will all that once was shattered

Shine forth it will as a true light reflecting matter

Let it be known that we can surely live again after such horrid factors

Did Not Know


Did you know that I did not know

Would you believe the words I say

Could you understand the place I was

In the darkness

In the pain

Surrounded by shame

Would it matter to you

My truth

The truth

Can you stand to look past the lies

Search the path not shown

Will you see beyond delusion

The sadness behind those eyes

Hidden by smiles

Shared with no one

Fear can be all consuming

That is the life remaining

After shattered dreams debilitating

Tell me

How

How do we

How do I

Suffering is the price

Shifting

Like drifting desert sands

My soul

Each moment

Left with what

 

 

Mirrors Knowing


A sudden glance

A pausing stance

The mirrors reflection

What truth lies there

How many facades formed

Who is she

Staring back at me

So many questions

They form at the tip

I know the answers

Or at least so I believe

But do I know truly

Can I really find it all

All that I may need

Lost in the distance

That look of longing

What is this boiling fear

The future unknowing

A past filled with pain

Which seat shall entrap me

Might I take hold of life

Live here in the present

Tell me oh you who does but stare

You who looks at me

Through me

Do you know

How do I look

How do I live

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I Won’t Let You Define Me


I didn’t know my worth or even understand that meaning

What am, who am and what did that mean

To me I believe, whole-heartedly to be a nothing in this something world

Broken and shamed, to forever be maimed

To be used up by the first person to capture me I was subconsciously taught

No worth to be bought, only stolen and shredded

Yes, from as far back as I can remember, to beyond my younger years, this was my belief system

Forever a burden as long as I kept breathing

And as I grew most others I met would confirm those beliefs

Infesting my mind and my heart with such darkness

Broken and brittle, living as the undeserving victim

How disgusting a life not lived, may have been beaten and shattered

But a choice I finally made to no longer be battered

To surrender my life to the One living higher

To Love eternal it did matter, my life in shambles

Don’t be a victim, to invite in sorrow and sadness

My beloved you are, so your worth is beyond what you see or may ever believe

Don’t choose to believe all the lies surrounding

Be free and alive, living life to thrive

For the past, those shadows will only define you as you let them

Die to darkness and thrive in the light of each morning

For your days lost in pain will no longer rule your living

Nothing done to me has defined me, but may be a blessing to mold me

Each broken thing can now be rebuilt on a sturdy foundation

Now beauty will be formed from these ashes, forever and ever again

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Changing Seasons


Changing with the seasons is not all that bad

For we grow

We must to live fully, if just to be alive

Being different is better than remaining, turning stale

One must remember

however

As a season remains a season, even as it gives way to the next, a season it still is…

So to you must remain yourself and no one else

To be free to be

There is nothing like it to thrive

We see each life drift from another, as the clouds by the winds mighty hand

Fate

Sin

Pain

Life

Take us away from those earlier days

We can never find what once was

Only dance in what is

For to remain in the shadow of the was will leave without an is

So let the weather lead

and change

like the wind

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