My beloved Pillow, how I do miss thee when I am gone away.
Far from home and my own bed I miss thee.
Shall I count the ways?
There is not another that molds like thee to my simple dome.
None compare in gentleness or tone.
Only thee may cradle me swiftly to silent slumber.
However shall I sleep away from thee?
Nevermore, no never more
Laying in the blackness
The softness of our bed
Surrounded by blue
Softly touching you
Wrapped in tightly knitted cotton
So close to me
Into one another
Melding as one
The sun has set long ago
The stars stare us down
sparkling through this window
Far above our bed
My head and yours
My hand in yours
Fading into dream
You and I
if only i could
if only i could dream
My heart did not notice when you sliced into,
The drugs you gave simply took the pain away.
Only for moments as you had your way,
With ever inch of me,
Nothing could I hide form your hungry eye.
You ate with eagerness unmatched,
You ate all you could, every scratch.
You mangled the already broken thing
That lay beneath my shattered chest.
No mending you would do for,
For sure no patches to the sunken mess.
I lie stunned in my timeless rift,
As if a-sail on a lonesome windless drift.
For truth be told I was just another meal,
To feed your endless hunger fest,
On which the weak and brittle you do feast,
The dinner so rare, you take the best.
No hope for as I lay numb to this world
and of course the next.
My being’s purpose was for less then life,
My entire purpose is to endure such strife.
I am nothing much to you but a refreshing course,
To build up your weak and saddened form.
You use in your every whim,
To mend the pieces taken from you sometime when
Darkness became your master,
And ripped you soundly with his curse,
Leaving a mound of filthy dirt.
So to claim in cleanness,
To wash the scum from before your birth,
You scrub with blood of victims,
In which you took specific measures and
Knew more ways to harm through kindness,
Then to be kind within itself.
Now I am some nothing,
Floating on this black oceans surface,
With no hope to cling to safely.
And for my death you shall never morn.
But wait my dear,
The price I paid was much to high,
The balance is uneven.
For I count quite more from me then to you,
No, you owe much more,
So much more.
Your cost will be taken without much bet,
My sweet, you have left such a large debt,
The only course is to give what must paid,
Or even more shall be lost.
The blood you bled came at an unbearably high cost.
So now you owe,
Pay your due.
Or what once was done by you shall be returned,
Returned seven fold.
Goodnight little demons gnawing in my head
Biting and chewing my brain
I’ll put you to sleep with this small pill
A cocktail to be sure to put you down
At least for the night
For this night at least you won’t feast
This melody fills the night air
Alone with me
In this empty room
A comforting sound to storm outside
Shaking the windows
Lighting cracking, rolling across the sky
Vibrating my souls
Adding to the fear
From the storms raging inside
Wishing the music would drown them out
The only thing I want to hear
Not my voice
Not my heart
Not my mind
Just go away
Disappear with each note that fades away
Drifting through space and time
End it here
What is here
I’m not going crazy
Talking to myself
Sitting in this room
All alone with no lights
In this darkness of my fate
With the burden of your hate
The sorrow of the pain
Taking all the life I had gained
My mind twirls in circles
Like a dance with in my head
Never asking if it will end
The distance of my thoughts in death
Are closer then I am to beings
Like a friend to my touch
We linger gently together, forever
Wishing I could feel the rush
The last cut before I wane
Never wanting to hurt him so
Falling faster with each night
Knowing I can’t have a life
Am I mad to this degree
Have I lost my sanity
Drifting through this fog
No more light to see
You have left me dying
All alone and crying
Ever ounce of what I was
Lays in piece at your thrown
Laughter fills my numbing head
Making me quake with bitter thoughts
I’ll crash down in time
With all I am is nothing at all
Just a person far away
Loosing my humanity
No more contact in this world
I’ll move on to fill this void
After life is calling loud
Drearily it comes a knocking
Knocking at my garden door
The tea is cold in the pot
I’ve lost it all, I’ve lost a lot
For me you never sought
My life and heart have not fought
I will be, I will not
Bring me to my dreaming thought
No more is this saddened lot
I single rose sits alone,
So lonely in its garden.
Passing strangers, with joyous laughter,
Only see a pretty flower.
No sadness in the colors blooming,
calling out to share her garden.
They all pass by never knowing,
The sorrow carried as such a heavy burden.
In light and darkness she hopes.
Hopes that someone will want the beauty,
Of more than simple stares.
She longs to bloom so bright, for a special reason.
Would any dare do more than glare?
Thinks the lowly rose, all alone in her garden.
Will you sit with me in my darkness? In the shadows of my past? The haunting dreams of a journey taken, one of mold and unbroken? I linger here, in the night. For it a place I can be myself, whoever that may be. I thought I knew. I suppose there never is a certainty. We all create an image. One that might not be true. Or to put it better most likely never was. What are we? Human? What does that mean? So many people, so many religions. For centuries being told what it means to be us. I can’t tell you who I am. I could give a name. Size, truthfully. Height. Hair color. Gender. Lineage. But is that all I am? I do believe I have a soul. I have way to many emotions for there not to be. I am not a computer. Not a machine. This is more to the me then just the molecular level. However, I can’t tell you what. I use to know. Or so I thought. I seemed so sure. Do I even want to know? Sometimes I like being lost. It gives me a purpose. A reason. To do what? At least search. If I never find. All I can is oh well. It would seem my destiny to not have found out. Yes. Those are my thoughts, as I sit here. The sun going out. The stars to glimmer. Are they my friends?