Torture In The Mind, tonight

I sit here and watch my thoughts flutter. Flying all around, never in one place do they stay. I wish they would remain far away from the pain, soar freely. Will they always wander towards the darkness. A sudden shudder sends me to a gruesome sight. A single thought does abruptly shatter my reality. Thinking things which once did consume me. Of blood deeply running red, coursing steadily downward. From my fractured flesh a flow freely weeps crimson the tears I cannot shed. My wounds do speak for me, the words that are hidden just out of sight. I cannot speak what should be said for fear I’d fall into deepest dread. Those memories still haunt my daily drifting, no lights in my sight. Does the mind ever become free from these torturous binds? Or forever will this horror be on repeat, to be seen a million times?


Invisible…fresh bruises…

I feel the bruises,
From long ago,
As if they were brand new.
So fresh,
So painful.

I feel the pain of brokeness,
Surrounding each inch of me.
Why the flashback,
Why the memories…
These thoughts I do not wish to have.

How can I be alive after all that’s been,
How can I have survived through all that was.
am I real,
am I alive…
For I feel, for sure, I am not living.

I curl up in the corner,
All alone,
With these burning images,
Of all that has been.

The pain carved into my flesh.

You cannot see me.
Not standing here.
I am invisible.
I am unseen.
Even with all these wounds,
That are sure to be seen,
Am I not am,
Or even may never be.

For these wounds are to much for you to comprehend…
So you don’t look,
You just leave me…behind.

The Madness Takes Me

I’m not going crazy
Talking to myself
Sitting in this room
All alone with no lights
In this darkness of my fate
With the burden of your hate
The sorrow of the pain
Taking all the life I had gained
My mind twirls in circles
Like a dance with in my head
Never asking if it will end
The distance of my thoughts in death
Are closer then I am to beings
Like a friend to my touch
We linger gently together, forever
Wishing I could feel the rush
The last cut before I wane
Never wanting to hurt him so
Falling faster with each night
Knowing I can’t have a life
Am I mad to this degree
Have I lost my sanity
Drifting through this fog
No more light to see
You have left me dying
All alone and crying
Ever ounce of what I was
Lays in piece at your thrown
Laughter fills my numbing head
Making me quake with bitter thoughts
I’ll crash down in time
With all I am is nothing at all
Just a person far away
Loosing my humanity
No more contact in this world
I’ll move on to fill this void
After life is calling loud
Drearily it comes a knocking
Knocking at my garden door
The tea is cold in the pot
I’ve lost it all, I’ve lost a lot
For me you never sought
My life and heart have not fought
I will be, I will not
Bring me to my dreaming thought
No more is this saddened lot