Forced to Remember


What is this feeling, more than fear?
Encompassing my mind, body and soul.
Enveloped in a darkness, a shattering sense.
Holding myself tightly, keep me together.
I will fall apart, disappear, fade away.
It keeps getting darker.
I can not seem to breathe.
Life is not so simple, to just be okay.
Will it stop, will it end?
The circle, a cycle that continues to spin.
Am I dying here, within my skin?
Just a broken memory.
These demons will not run away so easily.
How shall I live when the pain is invisible to eyes?
Can you heal a wound that is deep inside?
In places no one can see, hidden from even me.
Maybe just a bit longer.
Just moment more.
If I awake today, perhaps I shall try once more.

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When Facing Darkness Today


Have you ever stood at the edge

Ready to jump

Spring out of fear into darkness

Staring into the abyss

From having just come back

After having looked into it

Gazes

A sharp knowledge within

Facing death

He was always so close by

I am a wreck to admit

Him I do miss

The shadows I fear

Always fear

Will it be fading

The sorrow eating at me

It is sad to know

I still have this dream

To fade away

From this reality

Such a strong pull

Trying to will me to

Taking me back

Into the arms of blackness

Surrender

To the bleakness

Please dear Love

Hope do sing

Hold me tighter

Do not let it take me

I won’t break again

I want joy

To live in love

All surrounding

I need to live

And dream of brighter days

I really don’t

Want to fade today

Like water on stone

Washed away

Be my anchor hold

Keep me close

To suffer through

Make it brighter

My load much lighter

This burden I bear

To you try to release

Let me be free

What In The World


This world has little to offer me

These thoughts has been breeding deeply

Within me I feel this truth

There are many tempting things

Materialism is running rampant

Always wanting what we think we need

I do give in way to often

The next best technology teaching me

A great sweater warming while fashionable

I am however trying to not be influenced

Not by what is the latest hot topic

I fall victim to the desires growing by my need to express

Who am I and what does that mean

How can I show what that is

I have begun to realize that fact

Buying things that reflect the inner you is a way

But there are far better

More simple yet profoundly freeing

In all the fury of the past storms

I have realized less is so much more

Less to cling to holding you down

Where in this world do I belong

Slowly with each passing moment I know

I do not belong to this world

And in reality I really do not want to

Anything beautiful and great about it

Was given to it by it’s creator

Everything else is just not worth it

Ever

A Brain Trap


Trapped within the darkness

the places I am confined

repeating yesterdays or yesteryears

a cycle doomed to repeat

failures looming over and over

destruction playing as a reel

the movie ending you hate to see

like a horror film lived

or a thriller with a dreaded end

over and over again I see

all the hell on repeat in my brain

memories so chillingly dark

dreams filled with broken shadows

please just stop playing

just be gone, just go away

 

 

Did You Dare


Dare to say you know the heart of one, of a broken being?

A soul shattered

Do know the dreams of one such creature?

I am sure you never you never really cared, if even at all…

As one lies lonely upon the frozen ground

Nothing left to live for

No moment to be cherished

As I lie bleeding from my crown

Yes, can you dare say you are a familiar with this picture

This withering pain

Why would you

Show mercy to the shame

Alas, in this loneliness I did remain

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In this box


In this box
I have many memories
Full to the brim
Some places overflowing
Like pictures
Images of what was
Some burnt in places
Others bent
So many more ripped apart
Shredded in to mangled pieces
There are those shot out of focus
Or may be a total blur
Many are pitch black
No image upon them at all
There are pictures that don’t make sense
An order they do not make
Yes this box full of memories
Is no easy treat
But my love
Let us empty this case
And start anew
Take new picture with my love for you
So sweet they can be
Of just you and of me
A beautiful image to see

When is it over


Why do I cry so many times alone at night
Cry all the way into the light
Sadness consumes me
Fills me
Overwhelms me
It is so disheartening
To be
Just be
Those memories terrorize me
And they will not give up
They always seem to win
Things I wish would never have been
I wish I could erase them
I wish I could disappear
Just fade away
away from all this fear.

Brain Surgery


I wish I could carve you out of my brain
Burn the images out with a laser
Strip the memories away that were once so sweet
Throw them out into the rubbish
A cut so clean all the way through
To my deepest parts
All the way down to the bottom of my heart
The depths of my soul
Just erase it please
I can’t stand the pain from the thoughts of you
I want it to be like yesterday, gone
Days like these I might pay anything for a cure
From this disease that infests my head
I shouldn’t cry because of you
I shouldn’t have to feel like this
Can anyone give me something faster then time
I just want to forget
Be as if it had never, ever been
Even if, at the time, it was amazing

Once was Taken


I am the words you left behind
I am the songs you still listen to
Waiting for the days that will never be
We’ve sad goodbye
The dreams are bad memories
Thought’s I wish I couldn’t have
Drink away, into darkness
They won’t the same
Nothing can ever take the place
The treasure that you’ve lost
Will never be replaced
And again
You’ll never get her back