Was It Me


Did I Wait to long to heal?

Was it too much to just hold as I was? Broken and frail.

Was it all my fault for being hurt, for being shamed?

What could I do?

I had nothing to work with.

There was nothing in me. Nothing at all.

I was nothing. I am nothing.

This is the Battle I fight every moment of every day.

So why couldn’t you love me?

This is me.

A broken porcelain doll, shattered on the floor.

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Invisible Mountains and Valleys


There were days I couldn’t climb the ladder,

Or was I even on it at all?

It seems as if I climb so many mountains,

Never reaching the next,

Maybe I had conquered them all.

I seem to be repeating at times,

Falling into valleys, deeper then one should go.

No one can see me here,

Climbing all alone.

Not one person can really understand,

All this sorrow I have born.

The distances I have traversed,

Places I have seen,

In darkness and shadow.

It can be told of all the depths I was pulled out of,

The heights to which I had climbed.

This story of great,

The triumphs and falls,

Are written here on the scars,

The scars on my heart.

Mine Own Enemy


Deep in my mind

Lie dark and dreaded seeds

Burnt

Black with sorrow

Bitter happenings

Shaming

All a negative nurture

Blooming deception

My brain has turned against me

Breaking my will

With such a thought

A single word

Sent into horrors

Depths unknown

Fears unseen

All made up

In my silly mind

A past is a place to learn

Not live and grow

Especially in shadows

To fight this battle

A daily war

Is trying

I wish I could just sleep

Take away this trial

At least make me less weak

Save me

From myself

Just hope

For a better day

For the truth

Will set me free

I just want to be free

And safe

Truly safe

Take me home

When Facing Darkness Today


Have you ever stood at the edge

Ready to jump

Spring out of fear into darkness

Staring into the abyss

From having just come back

After having looked into it

Gazes

A sharp knowledge within

Facing death

He was always so close by

I am a wreck to admit

Him I do miss

The shadows I fear

Always fear

Will it be fading

The sorrow eating at me

It is sad to know

I still have this dream

To fade away

From this reality

Such a strong pull

Trying to will me to

Taking me back

Into the arms of blackness

Surrender

To the bleakness

Please dear Love

Hope do sing

Hold me tighter

Do not let it take me

I won’t break again

I want joy

To live in love

All surrounding

I need to live

And dream of brighter days

I really don’t

Want to fade today

Like water on stone

Washed away

Be my anchor hold

Keep me close

To suffer through

Make it brighter

My load much lighter

This burden I bear

To you try to release

Let me be free

Like


withered

like a dying flower

broken

like this shattered glass

bitter

like a desert herb

mourning

like a childless widow

dark

like a moonless night

fearful

like a lost kitten

this

never again like that

 

What In The World


This world has little to offer me

These thoughts has been breeding deeply

Within me I feel this truth

There are many tempting things

Materialism is running rampant

Always wanting what we think we need

I do give in way to often

The next best technology teaching me

A great sweater warming while fashionable

I am however trying to not be influenced

Not by what is the latest hot topic

I fall victim to the desires growing by my need to express

Who am I and what does that mean

How can I show what that is

I have begun to realize that fact

Buying things that reflect the inner you is a way

But there are far better

More simple yet profoundly freeing

In all the fury of the past storms

I have realized less is so much more

Less to cling to holding you down

Where in this world do I belong

Slowly with each passing moment I know

I do not belong to this world

And in reality I really do not want to

Anything beautiful and great about it

Was given to it by it’s creator

Everything else is just not worth it

Ever

One Art


Everything you see,

All reflecting me

Showing you bits and pieces

The entirety of what makes me

Drawn with delicate hands

Marred by bitter times

Written in dark thoughts

But hope was always an underline

Sad filled dreams

Never a light to be seen

Highly crafted sculptor

Made of finely filtered material

Created from immense pressure

Unknown conditions

One Art

By one Soul

All of my Heart

This is me

I am way more than what you see

Truly Priceless

Now is Not to Late


Life is to short to wait, to think that there will be a tomorrow,

But right now, it isn’t to late.

There is never enough hours in the day to keep up with the daily needs,

But right now, you have the time.

Life is to short to be wasted on trivial matters,

But right now, you can make a change.

Don’t make mistakes, unless you are willing to learn from them,

So right now, learn, change, grow.

Going through life living only in the pain, don’t waste the joy,

So right now, live in love.

Be set free from the burnt and broken life,

Fly willingly into an open sky,

Let us dance to a tune hope and life.

Now is the the time to make life a place worth living,

Live now.

A Brain Trap


Trapped within the darkness

the places I am confined

repeating yesterdays or yesteryears

a cycle doomed to repeat

failures looming over and over

destruction playing as a reel

the movie ending you hate to see

like a horror film lived

or a thriller with a dreaded end

over and over again I see

all the hell on repeat in my brain

memories so chillingly dark

dreams filled with broken shadows

please just stop playing

just be gone, just go away

 

 

Life Review, preview


Look back,

Looks like an Epic tragedy

Failure

With nothing to prove

Because who would see

What was

Who would hear truth

Who knows

My life

How sad

Truly

Pathetic

Or so I think so often

But why

What is life’s purpose

Success

And what does that mean

Every definition is different

We are all

Different

So I am in discovery

Finding

It will all be new

and old

But it will be me

Done with yesterday

Why wait for tomorrow

I’m here today

So life was a downer

Nothing

No where

That was it

Or so it seemed

From that past

I push for a future

With Him

It is

Is all