Tis a Suicide Season

It was the night before a time that would be celebrated, of gifts and meals, no one should be stirring….no one should be awake. Yet, there I lay awaiting day break. Awaiting for no joyous occasion, no momentous holiday to lift this drear. No hope. No joy. Filled with loneliness instead of merriment am I. What is this and who is there? Jingle, jangle, jingle is the sound, the sound of silence in my head ring. All alone this festive day. Like every day….always and forever….why keep……trying……….what gift is there for me…..

Holiday seasons are some of worst for those of us who suffer from mental illnesses. Be kind, spend time, reach out – you could save a life. Happy Yuletide and Merry Christmas


The Flower You Gave

Today you placed a flower upon my grave.

It was the first flower that you ever gave.

How sad, that today would be that day when gifts were received.

That very hour I would no longer remain as believed.

From this world I was taken within a shard of time,

I have vanished completely with no real reason or rhyme.

Can you ever forgive me for not saying goodbye,

For ever moment I was given breath you weren’t meant to cry.

To live, to love joyously within my embrace.

Life did send me upon a merrily, evil chase.

Even when pain in my depths I could hardly grin and bear,

You stood closet to me with out any fear.

Now, everything else has come much to late,

Our time is up, I’m sorry but there is no debate.

I am gone, all that is left of me in this place are my remains,

Flesh and bone with fade away leaving nothing but a stain. 

I wish you had noticed I was disappearing

No one took any notice that I was completely despairing.

Because you waited to reach out, to try to touch me.

At this very point in time it is no longer meant to be.

Spelling numbers… 3AO7

Counting the ways in which I love you
There seems to be no way for be to do this
I can not find number that does exist
That would carry on to the distances I would need
For it would surely surpass the seconds of a forever
How to describe my love for you, let me see
The letters could bend and mold, making words
Alas I find that no matter the variations I’ve tried
I still would never find the right words
Nothing that would be able to truly explain
The love I have for you so deep in my veins
Counting and words to find the way, this way
I could try so hard to show my love for you
But where could I find the actions needed
To give the experience beyond words or numbers
Please tell how many gifts would I have to buy
I am sure my dept would exceed that which the world had never known
Yes, it is so very true my darling, there is nothing I can find
to show my love for you beyond the making of this time
The honesty of my words are not to shame me
For I will write forever until I die to tell you
of my love for you
Truly, I will count ever day each way I love you
Of course I will never stop giving the gifts
my love for you to fill
I say these small words to express the depth and magnitude
of my love for you
It is beyond any thing this universe has ever seen
And yet, here we are together, forever inexpressible
My love for you is
The trueness of what is felt can pass any test
And for sure my love, we have done so much already
The farthest reaches of space and time could never reach
the distance of my love for you
No matter how often I rhyme or continue to write
The matter of my love for you has been known from the start
Forever bound, intertwined two souls as one
My love for you is so much more, but of course it is nothing less