Wanderlust to Freedom


To wander through the lands and find to where my heart belongs,

Break free from shackles that have held tight from so long ago

Heart, soul, spirit, body all that is my being an more

Then whence had not one but all of these hid away never to be seen

My soul feels broken from all the shameful, bitter days

Each moment held below the surface deep, unable tot take breath

What shelter may I find in the beauty of the world surrounding me

No longer to linger in the wastes of yesterdays battles

A light will lead me forward into a brighter beyond

Shall we feel the hope that was once cut from my being

I find that even in my deplitated state I strive for something more

So now I wish to journey with no destination but the trail I shall walk

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Trying Not To Die


I sat in the darkest room, trying to paint the light. Nothing of any brightness could I see, my eyes would not envision. Trying for an inspiration in memories, the shadows fluttered on by. Scorning my creative thinking, taking a bite out of my life. Was I even living in this blackened hole of time, shriveled as a fallen trees. Would no one rescue me? Did saving I want to be? I don’t think so, let go of lost stories. This painting will always be unfinished, at least in my mind. That was how I was, that is how I no longer want to be. Fight. The struggle is truly real, this me. Trying not to die.

Markings, Reminders


Imprinted upon my very souls

Lines etched deeply in my heart

Carved by the times I didn’t have a way

Can you even imagine

An event so traumatic

The images play on repeat

As if they were yesterday

The tragedies of life can pile high

Taking away pieces of me

Leaving seemingly nothing left

You may be thinking

Just move on, get over it

Already

Not on hurt

Or even two

But maybe to scale

A hundred or so to begin with

Each a mark on my being

Trying to live

To not be defined by it all

To more than just survive

And give hope even to those who terrorized me

So every day I work it through

Try so so hard to let it go

To release the white knuckle grasp

Holding on for dear life

And through most of it

Not wanting to be alive

Death and darkness were my dearest friends

And now each day I battle

Taking back the stolen fields

The happenings of my sound mind

To revive a broken heart

Takes more than time

And the when is a point in my life

That is undefined

Can you at least just take my hand

Walk with me awhile

Along the shoreline

The battered land I reside in

Please love this unlovable piece

For this me is all I have

A War Waged Unprepared


I stole myself away before there was nothing left to take.

My heart lay in shattered ruins, the once beautiful city so bright.

Brittle, broken shards of life lingered at my feet.

My soul hung from a tree, the rope drown tightly about the life force.

Is that gruesome thing by the city gates the heart which once rested within my breast?

How could I have let this carnage take place here?

Why was there nothing to defend the most delicate of places there?

I was not prepared to live in the dark and tangled world of bleak despair.

The bloody battle raged for years with nothing I could do.

Tools needed to prepare oneself for such a war I did not have.

But now I am here, in the midst of this ruined city, surrendered.

To my maker, the founder of my foundation.

A hope beyond this refuge pile that seemingly continues grow.

With the maker of beauty in progress I know the future is bright.

I know for sure that something full of light is on the way.

After all this blackness consume, to be refreshed is inspiring.

One day I will find myself shiny and new.

All that I will know shall be of he who has made me whole.

Mine Own Enemy


Deep in my mind

Lie dark and dreaded seeds

Burnt

Black with sorrow

Bitter happenings

Shaming

All a negative nurture

Blooming deception

My brain has turned against me

Breaking my will

With such a thought

A single word

Sent into horrors

Depths unknown

Fears unseen

All made up

In my silly mind

A past is a place to learn

Not live and grow

Especially in shadows

To fight this battle

A daily war

Is trying

I wish I could just sleep

Take away this trial

At least make me less weak

Save me

From myself

Just hope

For a better day

For the truth

Will set me free

I just want to be free

And safe

Truly safe

Take me home

When Facing Darkness Today


Have you ever stood at the edge

Ready to jump

Spring out of fear into darkness

Staring into the abyss

From having just come back

After having looked into it

Gazes

A sharp knowledge within

Facing death

He was always so close by

I am a wreck to admit

Him I do miss

The shadows I fear

Always fear

Will it be fading

The sorrow eating at me

It is sad to know

I still have this dream

To fade away

From this reality

Such a strong pull

Trying to will me to

Taking me back

Into the arms of blackness

Surrender

To the bleakness

Please dear Love

Hope do sing

Hold me tighter

Do not let it take me

I won’t break again

I want joy

To live in love

All surrounding

I need to live

And dream of brighter days

I really don’t

Want to fade today

Like water on stone

Washed away

Be my anchor hold

Keep me close

To suffer through

Make it brighter

My load much lighter

This burden I bear

To you try to release

Let me be free

Where the Pain could take me


If I would have known my future

I would have asked to not be born

Beg to be aborted

I know that sounds sick

Maybe a little demented

Life has twisted my perception of it

At least that is how I could feel

The way my thoughts try to wander

But in truth

Life is precious and dear

I have been given so much

Even through the raving storms

Inches upon inches of rain

When I look back at all the pain

I wonder how I made it

I try to stay away

Without running far in the other direction

Stay in the present

Be in this place right here

Trauma and ranges of fear haunt me

Living is a hard feet to accomplish

Each day a trial

But I wake up

I get up and move

My voice is weak to this day

Barely audible above life’s static

I am here

Depending on something greater

To more than get me by

I hope one day I will live more

Living to thrive

That is what I believe

On the other side of it all

No more

Only brighter

Live life lighter Today

For that is all I really have

Like


withered

like a dying flower

broken

like this shattered glass

bitter

like a desert herb

mourning

like a childless widow

dark

like a moonless night

fearful

like a lost kitten

this

never again like that

 

What In The World


This world has little to offer me

These thoughts has been breeding deeply

Within me I feel this truth

There are many tempting things

Materialism is running rampant

Always wanting what we think we need

I do give in way to often

The next best technology teaching me

A great sweater warming while fashionable

I am however trying to not be influenced

Not by what is the latest hot topic

I fall victim to the desires growing by my need to express

Who am I and what does that mean

How can I show what that is

I have begun to realize that fact

Buying things that reflect the inner you is a way

But there are far better

More simple yet profoundly freeing

In all the fury of the past storms

I have realized less is so much more

Less to cling to holding you down

Where in this world do I belong

Slowly with each passing moment I know

I do not belong to this world

And in reality I really do not want to

Anything beautiful and great about it

Was given to it by it’s creator

Everything else is just not worth it

Ever

One Art


Everything you see,

All reflecting me

Showing you bits and pieces

The entirety of what makes me

Drawn with delicate hands

Marred by bitter times

Written in dark thoughts

But hope was always an underline

Sad filled dreams

Never a light to be seen

Highly crafted sculptor

Made of finely filtered material

Created from immense pressure

Unknown conditions

One Art

By one Soul

All of my Heart

This is me

I am way more than what you see

Truly Priceless