Wanderlust to Freedom


To wander through the lands and find to where my heart belongs,

Break free from shackles that have held tight from so long ago

Heart, soul, spirit, body all that is my being an more

Then whence had not one but all of these hid away never to be seen

My soul feels broken from all the shameful, bitter days

Each moment held below the surface deep, unable tot take breath

What shelter may I find in the beauty of the world surrounding me

No longer to linger in the wastes of yesterdays battles

A light will lead me forward into a brighter beyond

Shall we feel the hope that was once cut from my being

I find that even in my deplitated state I strive for something more

So now I wish to journey with no destination but the trail I shall walk

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Wicked is Its Ways


Beautiful words drip vicariously from your lips, falling to the floor with the sting of poison

What hope is there with the boundaries of who you say you are

The dread of death lingers sickly upon the shadows you leave behind in your wake of destruction

Devastation is the name called out by the vial corpses spread beneath you feet

Shattered souls rising from the ashes destroyed by flames of purest hate

Whoa to those who remain in its presence as one who is corrupt by glory

Those who stumble in the war path of this one that ravages every living force it sees

All those bitter beings will understand dispair in the deepest of realms and in the worst of ways

The False Light


As I look out into the darkness, I see each light, dotting the blackness. Each signifying a life, are they living their lives? One can never tell by how brightly they shine. No, for many have found ways to reflect or drain the energy from others, he source never truly being their own. Who can tell a true life light from those whom have contrived some so artificial? Light the fluttering creatures flapping through the night, drawn to the bulbs gleaming in the dark, drawing towards its warmth. The false lights that bring death and pain, they strive the burn brightly to be nothing but unreal. This world so full of falsifiers, were can the truth be found, the true light to guide, to give life? Tell me, how do we survive, all these lies…

Markings, Reminders


Imprinted upon my very souls

Lines etched deeply in my heart

Carved by the times I didn’t have a way

Can you even imagine

An event so traumatic

The images play on repeat

As if they were yesterday

The tragedies of life can pile high

Taking away pieces of me

Leaving seemingly nothing left

You may be thinking

Just move on, get over it

Already

Not on hurt

Or even two

But maybe to scale

A hundred or so to begin with

Each a mark on my being

Trying to live

To not be defined by it all

To more than just survive

And give hope even to those who terrorized me

So every day I work it through

Try so so hard to let it go

To release the white knuckle grasp

Holding on for dear life

And through most of it

Not wanting to be alive

Death and darkness were my dearest friends

And now each day I battle

Taking back the stolen fields

The happenings of my sound mind

To revive a broken heart

Takes more than time

And the when is a point in my life

That is undefined

Can you at least just take my hand

Walk with me awhile

Along the shoreline

The battered land I reside in

Please love this unlovable piece

For this me is all I have

A War Waged Unprepared


I stole myself away before there was nothing left to take.

My heart lay in shattered ruins, the once beautiful city so bright.

Brittle, broken shards of life lingered at my feet.

My soul hung from a tree, the rope drown tightly about the life force.

Is that gruesome thing by the city gates the heart which once rested within my breast?

How could I have let this carnage take place here?

Why was there nothing to defend the most delicate of places there?

I was not prepared to live in the dark and tangled world of bleak despair.

The bloody battle raged for years with nothing I could do.

Tools needed to prepare oneself for such a war I did not have.

But now I am here, in the midst of this ruined city, surrendered.

To my maker, the founder of my foundation.

A hope beyond this refuge pile that seemingly continues grow.

With the maker of beauty in progress I know the future is bright.

I know for sure that something full of light is on the way.

After all this blackness consume, to be refreshed is inspiring.

One day I will find myself shiny and new.

All that I will know shall be of he who has made me whole.

Digging Our Own Grave


And in the filthy mire he did find me, broken and alone. Gone away I had wandered, dying on my own. Life was far from any place I ever wanted to remain. Being alive I truly did not want to be. In darkness, in scum I did lie, covered in grime. To buried in depths of perpetual suffering, always dying. That is what I had resigned myself to, that morbid place. Something more I was made to live, something greater. Tis true my story was nothing but dirt and shame, yet this amazing grace did save. Loved, I am truly loved, from this I will surely live.

Days going by, I sit in darkness


Each morn I awake, trying to make it through each day

How do I keep going, to keep smiling and not just fade away

I am so weak, so frail, no real fight within me

What does it take to not turn back, forsake this bright noonday

Nothing inside can give all that must be given to live each day

I am an empty shell filled with all these broken pieces

In shallow waters I could drown, be as lifeless as I seem

Why keep going, looking around trying to survive and live a dream

I won’t just yet, give out, like a shattered knee

No I will turn to the light, nurse my bitter wounds

For the time being I will just exist here in this dark and dreary room

I can’t fight alone in this blackened world so full of demon envy

To shorten a life that isn’t mine to waste is selfish

What I wouldn’t give to be made new and live a life without fear

Now that will be a day to sing and dance with you my dear

Mine Own Enemy


Deep in my mind

Lie dark and dreaded seeds

Burnt

Black with sorrow

Bitter happenings

Shaming

All a negative nurture

Blooming deception

My brain has turned against me

Breaking my will

With such a thought

A single word

Sent into horrors

Depths unknown

Fears unseen

All made up

In my silly mind

A past is a place to learn

Not live and grow

Especially in shadows

To fight this battle

A daily war

Is trying

I wish I could just sleep

Take away this trial

At least make me less weak

Save me

From myself

Just hope

For a better day

For the truth

Will set me free

I just want to be free

And safe

Truly safe

Take me home

When Facing Darkness Today


Have you ever stood at the edge

Ready to jump

Spring out of fear into darkness

Staring into the abyss

From having just come back

After having looked into it

Gazes

A sharp knowledge within

Facing death

He was always so close by

I am a wreck to admit

Him I do miss

The shadows I fear

Always fear

Will it be fading

The sorrow eating at me

It is sad to know

I still have this dream

To fade away

From this reality

Such a strong pull

Trying to will me to

Taking me back

Into the arms of blackness

Surrender

To the bleakness

Please dear Love

Hope do sing

Hold me tighter

Do not let it take me

I won’t break again

I want joy

To live in love

All surrounding

I need to live

And dream of brighter days

I really don’t

Want to fade today

Like water on stone

Washed away

Be my anchor hold

Keep me close

To suffer through

Make it brighter

My load much lighter

This burden I bear

To you try to release

Let me be free

Where the Pain could take me


If I would have known my future

I would have asked to not be born

Beg to be aborted

I know that sounds sick

Maybe a little demented

Life has twisted my perception of it

At least that is how I could feel

The way my thoughts try to wander

But in truth

Life is precious and dear

I have been given so much

Even through the raving storms

Inches upon inches of rain

When I look back at all the pain

I wonder how I made it

I try to stay away

Without running far in the other direction

Stay in the present

Be in this place right here

Trauma and ranges of fear haunt me

Living is a hard feet to accomplish

Each day a trial

But I wake up

I get up and move

My voice is weak to this day

Barely audible above life’s static

I am here

Depending on something greater

To more than get me by

I hope one day I will live more

Living to thrive

That is what I believe

On the other side of it all

No more

Only brighter

Live life lighter Today

For that is all I really have