Tis a Suicide Season


It was the night before a time that would be celebrated, of gifts and meals, no one should be stirring….no one should be awake. Yet, there I lay awaiting day break. Awaiting for no joyous occasion, no momentous holiday to lift this drear. No hope. No joy. Filled with loneliness instead of merriment am I. What is this and who is there? Jingle, jangle, jingle is the sound, the sound of silence in my head ring. All alone this festive day. Like every day….always and forever….why keep……trying……….what gift is there for me…..

Holiday seasons are some of worst for those of us who suffer from mental illnesses. Be kind, spend time, reach out – you could save a life. Happy Yuletide and Merry Christmas

The House of Broken Glass


I found a little shop today
Along my path I did spy
Full of many peculiar things
Mingled with the ordinary
It was there I found it broken
So small twas overlooked
A piece I’ll treasure forever
For like me it did not fit
I cling to such unsightliness
For a home it does need
And loved as I so do wish
A home for all those lost
Shattered beauty I behold
Surrounded by the dream
Hoping to be one precious
A piece to mend empty
To each thing left a wanting
Hold on to a joyful future
No truer story had there been
Today, tomorrow, forever more

Un-Equally Equal


I am not you, and you are not me

That is something that will never be

Created to be different

Yet born from the same seeds

We are intertwined by many commonalities

But we will never be the same

Difference will always separate us

It only becomes negative by choice

A decision to corrupt it all

Distorting the truth

Making it into something untrue

Creating an un-needed rift

Evil makes different a crime

A shame one must change

Or protest to the extreme

Hate is more than a simple word

It is the activist of discrimination

Accept me not you

We need to be this to be whole

Change your ways but I will not

Why believe such lies

Why continue on in fallacy

We are all imperfectly Human

Haters and corrupt personalities

Selfish bastards to the end

Trying to get the world to accept us

Whether we realize it or not

Even if you do not accept it

This is reality

We all have experienced pain

Let us choose another way

As light expels the dark

Let the perfect love encompass us all

Surround with wholeness

Know truth is so much more

That there is only one truth

We are all broken

Don’t add to the shattered pieces

Do not be what you claim to hate

Be the change you wish to see

Connect in the place we all are born from

Stand up for integrity

Stand up so you will not fall

 

 

With a How


What is called when you want to live, but yearn to die?
What are the words to use when none can describe?
Why does the keep hurting even after the time has gone?
Why must I live those days on a constant repeat?
When these wounds heal, or close, or vanish from sight?
When will my memory recall the joyful times alone?
Where is the place to rest away from haunting dreams?
Where the darkness rest I seem to always be…
How do we fight a seemingly hopeless battle?
How am I to live when I really want to fade away?

Forced to Remember


What is this feeling, more than fear?
Encompassing my mind, body and soul.
Enveloped in a darkness, a shattering sense.
Holding myself tightly, keep me together.
I will fall apart, disappear, fade away.
It keeps getting darker.
I can not seem to breathe.
Life is not so simple, to just be okay.
Will it stop, will it end?
The circle, a cycle that continues to spin.
Am I dying here, within my skin?
Just a broken memory.
These demons will not run away so easily.
How shall I live when the pain is invisible to eyes?
Can you heal a wound that is deep inside?
In places no one can see, hidden from even me.
Maybe just a bit longer.
Just moment more.
If I awake today, perhaps I shall try once more.

Imprinted Memories, a shattered me


As the hours flicker on by my skin burns with the memories. Tremors of pain course through my body, remembering things I do wish that it would forget. Will I ever be able to rest in peace? Will the nightmares haunt me for as long as I take breathe? Today is just another day, a step into the future. Why must my mind and body linger in the past? Anchoring me in a place I wish to flee. I want to grow, I desire to change and no longer remain. I must push forward, beyond the shame. I just wish I didn’t feel so alone tonight. That this darkness would stop calling out to me. Can I stand strong through it til the end?

via WordPress for Phone app.

A War Waged Unprepared


I stole myself away before there was nothing left to take.

My heart lay in shattered ruins, the once beautiful city so bright.

Brittle, broken shards of life lingered at my feet.

My soul hung from a tree, the rope drown tightly about the life force.

Is that gruesome thing by the city gates the heart which once rested within my breast?

How could I have let this carnage take place here?

Why was there nothing to defend the most delicate of places there?

I was not prepared to live in the dark and tangled world of bleak despair.

The bloody battle raged for years with nothing I could do.

Tools needed to prepare oneself for such a war I did not have.

But now I am here, in the midst of this ruined city, surrendered.

To my maker, the founder of my foundation.

A hope beyond this refuge pile that seemingly continues grow.

With the maker of beauty in progress I know the future is bright.

I know for sure that something full of light is on the way.

After all this blackness consume, to be refreshed is inspiring.

One day I will find myself shiny and new.

All that I will know shall be of he who has made me whole.

The story of You and I


The story of you and I
We met, what seems, so long ago, an appointment made by the divine. Our lives became entwined, in those days when we were younger. I never knew, from that first look, that you would be mine. You told me later on, your fateful glance gave you an image of me as your bride. The Heavens were very aware that we were meant to be. We each knew our paths were meant to meet, and to never separate. Till death do us part we shall remain. We made this commitment with each other in mind. Know I wanted you to smile and you wanted my joy. Many blessings we would receive from each ones company. Even through all of the pain, the tear stained sorrows our love would grow into the depths. My heart is yours. It was destined to be yours, always. Yes, together is the place we love. To us, in one another’s embrace is this earth’s happiest place. No terror nor trauma can rip us apart. Bound by eternity our love with forever remain.

Was It Me


Did I Wait to long to heal?

Was it too much to just hold as I was? Broken and frail.

Was it all my fault for being hurt, for being shamed?

What could I do?

I had nothing to work with.

There was nothing in me. Nothing at all.

I was nothing. I am nothing.

This is the Battle I fight every moment of every day.

So why couldn’t you love me?

This is me.

A broken porcelain doll, shattered on the floor.