Forced to Remember


What is this feeling, more than fear?
Encompassing my mind, body and soul.
Enveloped in a darkness, a shattering sense.
Holding myself tightly, keep me together.
I will fall apart, disappear, fade away.
It keeps getting darker.
I can not seem to breathe.
Life is not so simple, to just be okay.
Will it stop, will it end?
The circle, a cycle that continues to spin.
Am I dying here, within my skin?
Just a broken memory.
These demons will not run away so easily.
How shall I live when the pain is invisible to eyes?
Can you heal a wound that is deep inside?
In places no one can see, hidden from even me.
Maybe just a bit longer.
Just moment more.
If I awake today, perhaps I shall try once more.

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Was It Me


Did I Wait to long to heal?

Was it too much to just hold as I was? Broken and frail.

Was it all my fault for being hurt, for being shamed?

What could I do?

I had nothing to work with.

There was nothing in me. Nothing at all.

I was nothing. I am nothing.

This is the Battle I fight every moment of every day.

So why couldn’t you love me?

This is me.

A broken porcelain doll, shattered on the floor.

When Facing Darkness Today


Have you ever stood at the edge

Ready to jump

Spring out of fear into darkness

Staring into the abyss

From having just come back

After having looked into it

Gazes

A sharp knowledge within

Facing death

He was always so close by

I am a wreck to admit

Him I do miss

The shadows I fear

Always fear

Will it be fading

The sorrow eating at me

It is sad to know

I still have this dream

To fade away

From this reality

Such a strong pull

Trying to will me to

Taking me back

Into the arms of blackness

Surrender

To the bleakness

Please dear Love

Hope do sing

Hold me tighter

Do not let it take me

I won’t break again

I want joy

To live in love

All surrounding

I need to live

And dream of brighter days

I really don’t

Want to fade today

Like water on stone

Washed away

Be my anchor hold

Keep me close

To suffer through

Make it brighter

My load much lighter

This burden I bear

To you try to release

Let me be free

Where the Pain could take me


If I would have known my future

I would have asked to not be born

Beg to be aborted

I know that sounds sick

Maybe a little demented

Life has twisted my perception of it

At least that is how I could feel

The way my thoughts try to wander

But in truth

Life is precious and dear

I have been given so much

Even through the raving storms

Inches upon inches of rain

When I look back at all the pain

I wonder how I made it

I try to stay away

Without running far in the other direction

Stay in the present

Be in this place right here

Trauma and ranges of fear haunt me

Living is a hard feet to accomplish

Each day a trial

But I wake up

I get up and move

My voice is weak to this day

Barely audible above life’s static

I am here

Depending on something greater

To more than get me by

I hope one day I will live more

Living to thrive

That is what I believe

On the other side of it all

No more

Only brighter

Live life lighter Today

For that is all I really have

Like


withered

like a dying flower

broken

like this shattered glass

bitter

like a desert herb

mourning

like a childless widow

dark

like a moonless night

fearful

like a lost kitten

this

never again like that

 

Fear Down


The fear rises to consume,

a terror in the night,

darkest of frights,

filled with horrors unspeakable,

how can I fight this,

will I before I die,

eating my tears as I sleep,

a soul deeply vexed,

draining my life,

drifting with a broken heart,

a shattered spirit,

living in nightmares,

that is what did seem,

to be my eternity,

There is something greater,

Brighter than light,

Breaking my bounds,

No more darkness,

Just a life lived in freedom

Finally living,

Only trusting the truth,

That is saving me.

A Brain Trap


Trapped within the darkness

the places I am confined

repeating yesterdays or yesteryears

a cycle doomed to repeat

failures looming over and over

destruction playing as a reel

the movie ending you hate to see

like a horror film lived

or a thriller with a dreaded end

over and over again I see

all the hell on repeat in my brain

memories so chillingly dark

dreams filled with broken shadows

please just stop playing

just be gone, just go away

 

 

Re – Built


Without one word I walked away
I knew it had to be done
For it was
Finished
Complete
To continue
There was no need

What was broken
can it be fixed
What was shattered
can it be made new
What was taken
can it be returned

Questions unanswered
Reformed
Renewed
Transformed
By what had transpired
All to be remade
As to what am I
Or
I suppose who
do I know
do you

Can we be recreated
After the tragedy
To seem
Shiny and new

Built from the chaos
The formation
from junk compiled
Using from nothing
To construct
something stronger
Higher
Mightier

To be
Yes
Something
Alive
A living
Tower

Did You Dare


Dare to say you know the heart of one, of a broken being?

A soul shattered

Do know the dreams of one such creature?

I am sure you never you never really cared, if even at all…

As one lies lonely upon the frozen ground

Nothing left to live for

No moment to be cherished

As I lie bleeding from my crown

Yes, can you dare say you are a familiar with this picture

This withering pain

Why would you

Show mercy to the shame

Alas, in this loneliness I did remain

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